Why I Hate the Movie Soul Food

The year is 1997, and Soul Food has hit theaters. Personally, I remember when this movie was released. I remember the talk and excitement that came with this film. I specifically remember being in the hair salon and hearing all the adults share their plans and intentions of going to the movies that weekend. Then I remember the soundtrack. There is no way I can hear any Boys II Men song without thinking of Soul Food. So, I will give credit when credit is due. This film is a cultural icon. This film had an all-star Black cast and an amazing soundtrack. Fast-forward to the early 2000’s, during the DVD era, and I can bet my last dollar that if you went to any Black person’s home, they had a DVD copy of Soul Food. Here are some fun facts about this movie, according to Box Office Mojo: During its opening weekend, this movie debuted at #3. It had a total gross of $11,197,897, which seems like great numbers, especially considering this was the autumn of 1997.  However, thirty years later, and after re-watching this movie several times through the lens of an adult with life experience and not as an impressionable child/teenager, my paradigm of this movie has drastically changed.

Let me explain why. I’m not sure if it is a fact, but it is definitely a stereotype that the millennial generation is the generational curse-breaking generation. Now, if that is indeed a fact, then we could suggest that is why I no longer love this movie. I will admit that the matriarch of Black families is the beloved and well-respected member of the family, usually a grandmother, who keeps the order of the family. They also set the temperature. They establish morals, traditions, customs, schedules, and overall culture of the family. The thing is, matriarchs are rarely held accountable; their ways are accepted: “They’re just stuck in their ways”. “This is the way mama always did it.” “Mama is turning over in her grave knowing we don’t come together anymore.”  They are always celebrated and highly protected by their children, grandchildren, etc. This is how it should be; this is a beautiful thing. Personally, in my family, once my grandmother passed away, the family dynamic drastically shifted. A harsh reality hit me as well, and that was that my grandmother enabled a lot of unproductive and unattractive behaviors with a lot of my family members. This wave of epiphanies usually comes after the death of the matriarch or even the patriarch of the family. After their death, you usually realize all the work they did behind the scenes. You discover they were helping your cousin pay their bills, and were paying your uncle’s child support to keep him out of jail. It looks different for each family, but in essence, you discover that they really were the glue that kept the family together. And one thing I will say is that my age group is collectively advocating for the dismantling of toxic family units.

Playing devil’s advocate here, I will say that previous generations were determined to keep families together, determined to maintain and establish traditions, determined to sweep so much under the rug because of a response to the damages that slavery caused Black families. For the general culture and custom of having Black families separated and disrupted for the concept of being considered as property and a profit, yes, there is going to be a huge push several generations later, working twice as hard to keep the family together. (I speak on this concept in the novels I write.) So, I recognize that Soul Food was written under that framework. And again, I also am considering that this movie is almost thirty years old. If it were written today, I am sure it would be a different story. (Hopefully one where Terri goes no contact and we never see her around the family.) I said all of that to say, I understand that this movie was released in 1997, and I understand that an evolution has occurred within Black families. However, I am still going to judge, review, and rebuke this film as if it were released last month. If you disagree, then you disagree.

I will say this movie did a wonderful job of bringing the realities and culture of most Black families to the big screen. I will also say that this film did a great job in capturing the true dynamic of Black families and the role everyone plays. And perhaps that is why this movie is still considered a Black movie classic, and honestly, it rightfully deserves that title. Because it did a great job in capturing and sharing the fabric of Black families. Now, let me list all the reasons why this movie simply irritates me.    

·        Ahmad: Having this child as the narrator and protagonist is irritating. It feeds into the notion that Black boys are never protected and, from a young age, are always weighed down with the burdens of others. This child was given the responsibility of keeping the family together, despite the fact that the family had been broken for decades. Instead of instructing Ahmad to enjoy his childhood and embrace his future, Big Mama put her burdens onto him. The relationships she established and enabled were now Ahmad’s problems to solve. This could suggest that Big Mama did not want the family to heal and grow. It could also suggest that she did not want to admit that she was also the glue that kept the family toxicity together. Now, perhaps she considered her family’s behavior as normal. Maybe she did not think some problems needed to be solved. After all, she was the matriarch of the family. Yet, I would like to argue that if that were really the case, she would not have told Ahmad to keep the family together, because she would have the confidence in knowing the family would be together after her death. What this movie suggests is that Sunday dinner was the glue that kept them together despite all the drama that floated around the dinner table. However, having a child become the voice of reason irritated me. And this is coming from a woman whose childhood was robbed a great deal because of the poor decisions of the adults around me. So, was Big Mama’s final request unrealistic? No. Having children be the voice of reason is also not unrealistic, but it is also cringe to watch. Therefore, that is the main reason this film is just not near and dear to me anymore.    

·        Big Mama: That “oil and water” comment she made about Terri and Maxine simply irritated me. The dysfunctional dynamic between mother and daughters applies here. The golden child versus the scapegoat. Terri was set up as the antagonist, and the reality is she responded to all the adversities her family smothered her with by moving forward. Her sister stole her “man”; she pushed on and went to college, law school, and then married her husband. Yet, she was still the scapegoat, while Maxine was the golden child. Perhaps Big Mama held Maxine as the golden child because she was the one who gave her grandchildren. Or perhaps Maxine was simply her golden child. The one she favored the most. The one who did not remind her of her inhibitions and poor decisions. Perhaps Terri was the scapegoat because she was the one who covertly reminded Big Mama that things weren’t perfect, that her dear family was flawed. The scapegoat usually triggers the parent. The scapegoat is the one they undermine and intentionally sabotage. Her putting Faith off on Terri while she has a big and empty house. Again, another way to control the scapegoat and deliberately work to ruin or spoil their way of living. The dynamic between the women is realistic and happens all the time in Black families. I can testify that I’ve experienced this as well. So, was the film wrong, was the plot not realistic? No, they got it right. But the happy ending is not the true justice that Terri’s character deserved. She and Myles divorce, which yes, they should have divorced. However, he still gets to come around for Sunday dinner? Get the fuck out of here! This is truly how the scapegoat is treated. First, she has to constantly be reminded that her ex-boyfriend is now her brother-in-law and the father of her niece and nephew. It is bad enough that she has to spend every Sunday dinner with that reminder, but now she has to look at her cheating ex-husband at the same dinner table. Please smack someone! And I am blaming all of this on Big Mama because she established and maintained this dysfunctional dynamic. She crowned Terri as the scapegoat and Maxine as the golden child, and the resolution is a result of that. Although I agree that the film did a wonderful job of capturing the complexities of certain Black families, and although the conclusion tied up all the loose ends, justice was not served. Therefore, this is another reason why I dislike this movie deeply.

·        Cousin Faith & Pete: Cousin Faith wanted to be included in the family, but she has sex with the family? Sure, it happens. Scandal and secrets define families a lot. But those family members who are just selfish and outright lazy are never held accountable. Yes, this happens. Yes, this is realistic. Yes, this actually makes sense. Pete never leaving his room, sure, it happens. Faith needing help and a home, yep, happens all the time. However, both characters are annoying and serve a purpose while not serving a purpose at the same time. These characters are the family members that constantly hold the family’s growth and healing back. They take all they can while never giving in return. They ride the wave that others created, and again, the family is always instructed to hold their hand and keep them going, all the while they are not doing this for themselves. Again, the movie got it right. But again, the conclusion was not a true happy ending. A true spark of optimism. Just selling the message that all it takes to be a family is to be related, and because of this, you can do the bare minimum in life, and there will always be a family member to take you in and care for you despite any effort of your own. Therefore, this is another reason this film annoys me.

·        Bird: The beloved baby of the family. Ugh! The one who creates the drama, creates the problems, asks for help, and then gets upset when the help gets involved in the drama they created. Lem pushes her, and her sister does something about it, and then everyone is mad at the sister for responding? Typical baby-of-the-family bullshit. And in the end, she gets everything she wanted despite being a complete headache to everyone else. She keeps her husband, gets their own home, and expands their family. All while Terri has to share a dinner table with her cheating ex-husband. UGH! Does this happen in families? Sure does. But the illusion that Sunday dinner is the cure for this dysfunction is simply nerve-wracking. Therefore, this is another reason this film causes me to roll my eyes and maybe not stream again.      

·        Maxine: I can’t stand her ass. Just needy, selfish, and oblivious. If you let her tell it, Terri can’t have a man or any money. Anything Terri has belongs to the family, and anything she has belongs to her. Because why wasn’t Cousin Faith sent to her house? Why was she dead against selling the house, although she knew she had little to nothing to contribute to the debt that Big Mama left them to handle? In just about every scene, her kids were with someone else, yet, based on her behavior, it is safe to assume she would not help with anyone else’s kids the way others helped with hers. But again, Big Mama set her up as the golden child, and with the golden child, the rules do not apply to them. In my opinion, it would have been a better plot if Cousin Faith had hooked up with her husband instead. I bet his ass wouldn’t have been welcome to family dinner anymore. Again, revisiting my previous argument that the ending just fell flat with accountability and justice is why I simply dislike Maxine and her storyline. Therefore, this is another reason this film irks my spirit.  

As I’ve mentioned, this film did an excellent job in showcasing and visualizing the realities and complexities of close-knit Black family dynamics. It really explored beyond the surface level of Sunday dinners and traditional family gatherings. This film did an amazing job of exploring Black culture and customs; however, my major dislike was the ending. The faux happy ending. It suggested that superficial values could cure deep-rooted issues. There was no character growth or development. Their problems were simply solved by a miracle, and no one really had to sit in the consequences of their poor decisions. And the only family member who worked to obtain order and balance was viewed as the antagonist, and their problems grew while never receiving a concrete or fair solution. And perhaps this again is the reality of family. However, in the essence of celebrating Black family, growth and healing are required, and finding a large amount of money is not a true solution. More like a band-aid. Because the money is not going to stop Lem from hitting Bird when he is upset. Or restore Ahmad’s childhood. The money is not going to mend Terri’s broken heart or undo the damage Cousin Faith caused for her failed marriage. The money is not going to repair Terri and Maxine’s relationship. The only thing the money did was keep the house in the family, which, let's face it, is more responsibility for Terri than the complete family. Yes, realistic for a lot of families. However, true representation deserves a true resolution, and this film failed in doing so. Therefore, almost thirty years later, this film just outright irritates me.         

Thanks for reading. Comment your thoughts. And share which film you want me to revisit next.